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The Ritual of Food Addiction
If youve been trying to figure out the weight-loss game for as
long as Ive been coaching people twenty five years youve
most likely been trying to avoid food, even though that point of
view has not worked. What you need to do is to look at the
ritual leading up to the part where you finish everything on
your plate. For many years I had either a radio show or a public
access television cable show named Changing Habits. The
opening of both shows state: we cover eating, smoking, gambling,
drinking, shopping, spending, and negative thinking. There was
also discussion about low wage earning, debt accumulation, messy
apartments, and procrastination. All of these things have
something in common: they can be ritualized. I, too, was seduced
by the mesmerizing effect I felt when I was in the mindless,
automatic state of a ritual. When in that state of mind, youre
comfortable without having to think or feel anything else. I
smoked cigarettes, spent too much, drank too much, and went into
debt as if I were in a trance. Writing this book became a
behavioral ritual; there was always another chapter to write or
re-write or edit or type. Im in the middle of construction in
my apartment. What began as re-doing a bathroom and kitchen
floor has turned into buying new furniture and designing
built-ins. One tiny part of the redecorating process was looking
for knobs for cabinet doors. There were hundreds of styles and
shapes and colors and prices from which to choose. I dont even
want to tell you how many choices I had to make when it came to
selecting a couch. Whether gambling or drugging or eating, or
writing a book, there is a ritual of things we do, and say, and
think, before, during, and after the actual using of the drug.
And I use the word drug here because a behavioral ritual is just
as much a drug on your system as is food, or cigarettes, or
alcohol. The gambler knows the phone number of off-track betting
or his/her bookie by heart; a bartender remembers your usual
drink; you shop whenever youre bored. The drinker has a
favorite drink with a specific amount of ice or mixer or water.
He/she might sip the drink rhythmically, with or without others
at specific times of the day or week or year, and many people
only drink in particular places, i.e., it never occurs to me to
order alcohol in a Chinese restaurant. Whereas my friend Tom
always orders a beer and friend Sara orders one large and one
small sake when in a Japanese restaurant. Each part of a ritual
knits with the other parts to tighten the behavior more and more
effectively. Add to your list the way you lock, and unlock, the
door to your home or office, answer your phone, call a friend,
get ready for bed, set your hair, or comb your moustache. When I
smoked, there was the buying and smoking of the cigarettes. But
there was also my cigarette-case collection, a Dunhill lighter,
and I used a Lalique ashtray, for goodness sake. I added
additional behaviors to my ritual, too: I needed to shop for and
have on hand, lighter fluid for the lighter and extra mouth
spray and mouth wash to use after I smoked each cigarette. The
ritual paraphernalia is just as much a part of your eating- or
smoking- or drinking-habit as the lighting-up and inhaling of a
cigarette, or the swallowing of a bite of food. Each habit has
its own ritual actions and reactions. Think about other rituals
and habits you mindlessly perform each day: You brush your
teeth, shower, shave, or put on makeup. Checking on mail or
retrieving telephone answering-machine messages may be a part of
your repertoire. Ive recently added to my ritual, the periodic
checking of my email to see if Ive got mail. Getting dressed
in the morning is ritualized, too. You might comb your hair and
put on makeup, then put on clothes. Some others put their
clothes on first, and then comb their hair and put on makeup. I
eat breakfast and take my one-a-day, two-a-day, three-a-day
vitamins, minerals, and calcium pills. I even arrange them on a
paper plate in four little piles for easy access later. Thats a
ritual, too. Thats what we do: We organize, and ritualize, so
we can narcotize. All this busy work distracts you, at least for
the moment, from feelings or thoughts with which you dont want
to deal. Ive practiced and perfected many constructive rituals
into my life. After doing them consistently for many years, they
are now automatic, and mindless and serve my needs. They help
make my day run smoothly, like using a pencil when I write in my
appointment book. There is comfort in the familiar. It is the
ritual of the first thought or word or action that leads to the
next thought or word or action to the next, and the next, and
the next. Eventually, you succumb to what you think is the
allure of the taste or smell or even sight of food. But it is
really the tail end of a ritual where you might be tired or
bored and just used to surrendering to whatever is set before
you. Some of us eat as an excuse to take a break, or to rest. It
is hard to say no because it is all knitted together from the
first thought of a ritual to the first feelings of remorse.
Theres always remorse. Thats part of the ritual, too. This
cycle of behavioral ritual needs to be interrupted and
unraveled. Identifying these patterns, even acknowledging you
have patterns, is a wonderful first step in changing habits. As
you become more aware of your patterns of thought, word, and
action, you can begin the process of rearranging or omitting the
automatic next steps and to create new constructive patterns for
yourself. Eventually, youll learn to be comfortable thinking,
saying, and doing, something else instead of putting food into
your mouth, just because its there. This unraveling of the
ritual of food addiction helps you to make pro-active choices so
you can become the person you want to be. Sometimes, the new way
is quite different from what youve accumulated in the way of
behavior. Your old way was built over a lifetime of unconscious
actions and reactions. You now have the opportunity to create
something new and wonderful that better serves your present need
to weigh __________ pounds. Bobby F. danced the I can go all day
without eating, but once I start, I cant stop tango, a remnant
from a previous weight-loss plan. Since evening activities
werent as stimulating as the daytime ones, he was without
things to occupy his mind; old feelings and thoughts bubbled up.
With no place to go and no one to talk to, he incorporated going
into the kitchen into his usual evening activity of killing
time. One trip to the kitchen yielded a piece of candy, another
trip yielded a nibble of leftover salad, another trip two
grapes. The once- or twice-a-night ritual became more and more
frequent. It really took off when he had a phone installed in
the kitchen. He found himself sitting on a chair with wheels
while speaking on the phone and rolling over to the refrigerator
where hed open the door and window-shop the shelves. When he
worked on breaking that ritual, I had him put a little tick mark
on a piece of paper whenever he thought of putting something
into his mouth. Between 9 p.m. and midnight, he found himself
thinking about food forty-two times! That is approximately one
episode every five minutes. Forty-two times in three hours he
had gotten in the habit of putting something in his mouth, even
though he wasnt hungry. Forty-two times he nibbled a bite of
this and a swallow of that, just because he was bored. Whether
eating one item, or one bite from many items, it all adds up. It
doesnt matter if it is salad or soda. Youre eating when youre
not hungry. If you practice this habit every day of the week,
youve got a behavioral addiction that becomes a weight gain.
Keep doing the same thing and it becomes a part of the evenings
entertainment. When Herman moved the phone out of the kitchen,
the picture changed. His weight changed. His habits changed.
This was just one of many patterns he discovered as a result of
being mindful. There were even more to find. He realized how he
always ordered a glass of wine when he took clients to dinner;
or how each meal ended with a cup of coffee. Every visit to a
theater to see a movie seemed to be bonded to eating a bag of
popcorn or buying a soda. The buying I call it a compulsion to
spend is a ritual, too. When I talked about rituals with
another person I teach, she commented that keeping the logbook,
in which she enters her daily weights and what she eats, was a
ritual. I agreed. Some rituals help us to become mindful of what
it is we are doing and enable us to see, in writing, the
patterns weve created. Some rituals are better than others.
Barbara J. had difficult times at 4 p.m. each day. It was clear
that her desire to eat wasnt about hunger; her lunch was
usually only a few hours before. It was connected to her
children arriving home from school. When she had to prepare food
for them, she mindlessly nibbled on the food herself. She also
had a phone in the kitchen and practiced some version of talking
on the phone and browsing amongst the bratwurst. You may be
thinking: But I only pick at the broccoli. If youre eating when
youre not hungry, it doesnt matter what it is. It all adds up.
In an office, an eating ritual might begin at the onset of a
coffee-wagon bell ringing at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. Rachel S. told
me of a mindless habit she had when she commuted from Manhattan
to her home in New Jersey. Every trip, five days a week for a
year, shed eat a candy bar. Just that one candy bar habit could
add up to approximately twenty pounds by years end. I used to
have a habit of buying a large bottle of fruit juice and would
sip it a few swallows at a time its only juice I used to
think until all 64 ounces were sipped away and Id buy another
bottle. When I realized how often I repeated this behavior, I
began buying juice in individual bottles of 4 ounces each, put
the bottles on a different shelf than the top one in the
refrigerator. If I didnt see it, I didnt think about it. If I
didnt think about it, I didnt drink it. The habit started to
collapse on its own. Sometimes, changing just one part of a
ritual whether thought word or action loosens the entire
knot of behavior without much effort. Sometimes it takes more
thought. In this case, changing the size of the container did
the trick (a physical action). I also thought (mental
re-patterning), that Id gone years without drinking juice so
many times during a day and it had always been okay. It could be
okay again. You get used to anything. What are some of your
rituals and habits?
About the author:
This article is an excerpt from the book Conquer Your Food
Addiction authored by Caryl Ehrlich. Visit her at http://www.ConquerFood.com
to know more about weight loss and keep it off without diet,
deprivation, props, or pills. Contact her at
Caryl@ConquerFood.com or call 212-986-7155.
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